Thursday, October 18, 2012

The Moral of the Story?

Never in my wildest imagination would I have believed you if you'd told me in June that we'd still be homeless in October. Nor would I have believed you if you said that not only would we still be homeless, but that we also would be without a source of running water. In the snow. Over an hour from town. With two little girls and a new puppy. And chemo. I definitely would not have believed the chemo part. But alas, that is our current state. All of it. All improbable, but all true.

Also true is the fact that we are enjoying nearly every minute of it.

Today I have two lovely tales to illustrate a lesson. See if you can determine the familiar moral of the story.

When I was a younger gal, yet just as chesty as today, I often dreamed of a time when I would be able to have a reduction. My gangly pre-teen years had vanished into the bosom-centric days of high school, even though I was as athletic as ever and wanting to compete at increasingly higher levels. My cup size demanded that I also spend money at increasingly higher increments to afford the kind of protection my girls needed from the dreaded bounce. So many fleeting thoughts of that pending reduction had crossed my mind over the decades, that by the time I met Greg at age 30, it was just a foregone conclusion that it would happen some day. I warned him twelve years ago not to become too attached. Famous last words it seems as I face a bilateral mastectomy in the coming year.

We are blessed to be house-sitting for some amazing friends. Amazing people who have literally let us invade and take over their home for far too long, yet without complaint. In fact, they have endured us with welcome smiles and seeming enthusiasm to have us all as roommates. Even the not-even-close-to-housebroken puppy. When I started chemo last week, I recalled one sentence in one of the hundreds of publications about chemo treatments that we've gathered up here lately. It said that chemo patients, because of their fragile immune systems, should be very wary of using well water. Danger of water-born diseases like giarddia and others is much higher for chemo gals like myself. Since then I have been fretting about this. For almost two months now, we've used only Juneau's finest well water for showering and cooking and laundry. Since Wednesday though, I have been using only bottled water and moaning about how I shouldn't be living this far from "civilization" in my condition. I kept nagging and pestering Greg about how awful and dreadful this whole situation is. On top of everything else, I wished I didn't have to cope with this water deal.

Well, well, well. Just this evening when we returned from town to our idyllic oasis in the wilderness, Greg turned on the tap to find only air wafting from the pipes. Hmm. Weird. Pump's out. No more water for us.

Lesson learned? Be careful what you wish for. Our God has an amazing sense of humor

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

It was almost like a song...

Today I am feeling very melancholy.  Even so, I almost always have a song in my head. Usually an old hymn. Sometimes a current praise song. Today? Oh boy! Ironically, I feel like doo-doo, but the song that keeps coming to me is making me giggle, just for it's utter and complete "wrongness" in this situation...

It's Hard to Be HumbleBy Mac Davis               [3/4 time]

C                                                           G7
Oh Lord it's hard to be humble when you're perfect in every way
                             
I can't wait to look in the mirror 
                                C
Cause I get better looking each day
                           C7                  F
To know me is to love me I must be a hell of a man
                        C
Oh Lord it's hard to be humble
        G7                    C
But I'm doing the best that I can
 
                                                          G7
I used to have a girlfriend but I guess she just couldn't compete
                                                              C
With all of these love-starved women who keep clamoring at my feet
                           
Well I probably could find me another 
                                  F
But I guess they're all in awe of me
                      C                G7                  C
Who cares I never get lonesome cause I treasure my own company
 
Repeat #1
                                                            G7
I guess you could say I'm a loner a cowboy outlaw tough and proud
 
Oh I could have lots of friends if I wanna 
                                   C
But them I wouldn't stand out in a crowd
 
Some folks say that I'm egotistical 
                                 F
Hell I don't even know what that means
                            C
I guess it has something to do with the way 
       G7                          C
That I fill out my skin-tight blue jeans
 
Repeat #1
 
Tag:
      G7                    C
We're doing the best that I can

collapsible

Feeling a little brittle and small and yucky today. Looking forward so much to our move into town. It will be a big blessing to be near my helpers and friends. Thank you each one!

Thursday, October 11, 2012

symptoms galore

Well, the nausea, drymouth, fatigue, and headache hit about 4pm. I then hit the rack very early and woke up around 530am to..... a fantastic self! No nausea, I was very thirsty (dehydration can be an issue), and I felt just GREAT! Said many prayers of thanksgiving to the One who provides, then grabbed two more hours of sleep.

Heading in to town right now to get my injection of Nuelasta a very spendy drug (my co-pay was only $50, but the insurance picked up the remainder of the over $4000 tab, thank God) to help build up the white cells in my bone marrow that the A/C from yesterday decimated. Looking forward to having this shot over so I can see what my reaction will be. It'll be great to better prepare next time.

Coming soon: a post to explain all this "God stuff". Blessings!!

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Femur MRI clear, but da chemo done come

So GREAT news about the femur. Looks fine, but they're putting it on the list of things to look at again in six months, along with my lungs and liver.

The chemo is very tolerable so far. Actually, I feel pretty fantastic, but a little headache is wanting to blossom soon so we are heading home for the day.

Sorry for the shorty-pants post, but well, I've got a doctor's note, people.

Deep thought for the day: Is it okay to play the cancer card on telemarketers? Please comment!

Also, if any of you are knitters, take a look at this and if it strikes your fancy, I'd LOVE one... in qiviut. HA! Little joke there. A darker royal blue would be good, or brown, or olive drab to match my eyes. Just looking for something a little fancy for church and snuggling in all the rest of the time.
 http://earthfaire.com/lace-puffs-smoke-ring-pattern-p-3272.html

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Am I Really Ready for Anything?

Greg and I have talked and talked about what the future might bring. We are truly ready for anything, or so I thought.



Not that we think Greg is going anywhere, but we've done our wills, we've found guardians for the girls (thanks you guys!!), we've realigned our priorities, and organized our investments and retirement stuff. All our beneficiary designations are set to rights. All our cards are in order. We've talked to the girls about how sometimes mommies need to go to heaven when they have breast cancer and how God has a plan that we really have no input with. Ready! All bases covered! Right?

Maybe not.

The four of us planned on going to an evening of worship and singing last night at a local church. It was a fundraiser for a new non-profit directed at women who are transitioning out of prison. However, in the parking lot, the girls were arguing, everyone was tired. We almost cancelled and just went home. But at the last minute, which was really 20 minutes into the show, we decided unanimously to give it a try. It was a HUGE blessing! We were meant to be there, by which I mean I was meant to be there. What a God thing!

When a friend also in attendance asked about me I realized she didn't know about the cancer and chemo dance I've been doing; I replied with my standard, "We are ready for anything." She said, "Really? Are you ready for Him to heal you and save you? Are you ready to accept His gift of life? Are you ready to receive the blessings He pours out on you?"

Woah.

I don't think I was. I might still not be, but I am going to dig into the Word and try to prepare myself for the fact that I may plow through this and be fine on the other side. That I will be alive and blessed on the other side. Even though I don't deserve it, God may be planning on it, and I need to be ready to receive it as the awesome gift it is.

The very last song of the night was like a message just for me: "Greater things have yet to come, Greater things are yet to be done..." AMEN! Thank You Gracious Father.

PS: These pictures are from our Hawaii vacation in February. I love taking pictures of flowers and scenery and trees and stuff in case you couldn't tell. Hard to find anything that's not beautiful there.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Deep Thoughts from pre-chemoville

  • Why have I had several very good hair days this week, right at the exact time I'm going to lose it all?
  • I've been finding bright sides all over the place... don't cancer patients often lose lots of weight? Well, I've been banking on that, but my doc now tells me that due to some incredible advancements in anti-nausea meds, most chemo-ites actually gain weight. Super.
  • This year, Greg and I did the AukeMan, which was so fun. This was about two weeks after I found my lump (which was really more of a huge growth that inhabited my whole right you-know-what). I'm thinking if I can get through the chemo crud and on to the surgery part and recovered from that, I may have a chance at doing the 2013 Aukeman! That's my goal at this point, but I'm not sure how realistic it is. We'll know more as we get going with the treatments.


AukeMan 2012: crossing the finish line with a final (and solitary) burst of speed!
Super Auke Dude blowing by everyone in the bike leg.

Huh. Guess I didn't have as many deep thoughts as I thought I did. Not much of a post, really.  Maybe I can redeem this with a recent picture? This was taken last night at the lodge where we've been living since late August.


On the plus side, I am feeling absolutely GREAT today! I usually (at least 4 or 5 days a week for the last 4+ years) have a terrible headache all day as well as sniffles and sinus congestion. Today, I am good. I had to take a 5-hour nap to achieve such heights, but I'm happy to have a nice evening to look forward to. Greg just got home with pizza. We've got some fun company tonight and great friends/roommates/hosts... What a blessed day!

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Sick people need to be organized!

We have had about 7 gazillion appointments and/or consultations since last week. I'm trying hard to keep track of it all, but I'm a bit of a slouch so far on that. Here's the latest:

  • WE'RE HOME! We got back to Juneau on Sunday and have been looking for a rental that will take a really big dog. Keta grew SO much in two weeks. Pictures later.
  • The bone scan was pretty clear except for a small area on my upper left femur. I'm having an MRI this Friday to take a closer look, but the risk is small that there is any metastasis.
  • The surgery for my port went well, but it is still pretty sore and the area needs to heal a bit more before we use it on...
  • Wednesday of next week, which is my first day of chemo! On Tuesday, I have a general work-up to check my heart and blood levels, then if everything is AOK, we'll get the big guns on Wednesday.
  • Therefore, if any of you are attached to my lovely locks, please say your fare-thee-wells now. It will all be leaving shortly.  But first...
  • The girls and Greg are going to have a hair cutting party. I'm going to let the girls give me a style (?) of their choosing and then we'll just shave it all off after that instead of watching it come out in clumps later. And yes, we will take pictures. Not sure if we will share or not. :)
  • Thursday of next week I get yet another injection to help build up the bone marrow that will be affected during the chemo.
  • My treatments will be every other week so I should be relatively normal during the off week as I'm healing up for another treatment.
  • I'm so looking forward to being strong and healthy again next spring/summer. I'm also looking forward to an introspective, productive winter season, doing a lot of reading and sleeping, and praying of course.
  • We are so thankful to Our Amazing Lord God for, as Gwen put it in her blessing over dinner last night, "giving Mommy a type of cancer that is easy to treat." Amen, kiddo!
No other news right now, but thanks again for all your prayers and inquiries about helping. We can't think of anything yet, but we'll start making a list of ways you can help if you want to. Anyone want to fly up here and do laundry? :)